


ah, how i've grown

by colink



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Era, Canon Universe, Character Study, Eren Yeager-centric, Male Protagonist, Pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-11
Packaged: 2021-03-15 08:08:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colink/pseuds/colink
Summary: eren yeager has been many things throughout his life . . . a hero, avenger, solider, comrade, friend.how did he become the villain then?
Kudos: 39





	ah, how i've grown

**Author's Note:**

> in nineteen years of a stolen life, how did he go from a hero to a villian?
> 
> written lowercase for stylistic purposes.

where?

where did it all go wrong?

_ oh . . . _

**_i know._ **

* * *

_"Mikasa! hurry! they're coming in!"_

Eren scrambled to the front gates, Mikasa trailing after his lead. his eyes shone with admiration as he peeked through the crowd at the Scout Regiment, trailing in after another fearsome battle with the Titans. the soldiers were a solemn parade, dutifully following after the stoic, fierce captain.

he glanced at Mikasa, a smile growing onto his small face. **_"i'll join them. then i won't have to stay in these stupid walls."_**

* * *

it was a pleasant afternoon. the sun was hot, but not to the point it was bothersome. the same old routine was carried on. collecting wood, yelling at Hannes, defending Armin from those three idiotic bullies . . . having Mikasa come save him only moments later. his mother would scold him, and he would only whine back. 

Eren regretted not listening. he regretted not being kinder to his mother. being around her more often, paying mind to her advice. even at the very end, when she begged him, pleaded him to _ just go _ , he didn't listen.

**_i'm sorry._ **

**_i'm so sorry._ **

Hannes carried him away, and he screamed in horror as he saw his mother's body, crushed under the jaws of a Titan.

* * *

_fucking Jean._

_what a fucking coward. military police my ass._

Eren laid awake, staring at the ceiling. being confined to his room after a brawl that _ Jean _ instigated, he paid no mind to his blackened eye. instead, he pondered and thought over what Jean had yelled about.

being a suicidal bastard? hell no. of course he valued life. of course, he wanted to live. he had to kill all the Titans, didn't he?

but . . . racing into battle, protecting the people he loves . . . the people he loved only occupied his mind. in those moments, he thought nothing of his life. protecting the people he had left mattered much more.

he groaned, and Eren did his best to fall asleep.

* * *

choosing to believe in Petra, Eld, Oluo, and Gunther was the worst decision he ever made. tears brimmed into his eyes, and he blinked them away. those damn Titans.

he stared at his hand as he rode, faster and faster away from the bodies of those who protected him. 

how long was he going to run?

how long would he let others die for him?

without another thought, Eren jumped off his horse and bit his hand.

* * *

his heart hammered in his chest as Reiner spoke.

_"i'm the armored titan. he's the colossal titan."_

_"come with us."_

he gritted his teeth, and shout out in a flurry of rage. he heard Armin trail back, he heard everyone stop. 

it felt like time stopped. it felt so long when Reiner turned into his true, evil form. where Berthold showed his face. the very face he saw five years ago.

the screams . . . the shouts . . . he heard nothing. rage blinded him. pain stabbed his chest. why? why did it have to be them? why did they have to be Titans?

**_"YOU FUCKING TRAITORS!"_ **

* * *

many years ago, Eren saw a picture book. Armin showed it to him. descriptions and pictures of a vast sea of sorts were depicted, and he saw how Armin's eyes shone at the image. he wondered if it was that amazing. he wondered why Armin wanted to see it. excitement filled him, and his thoughts raced at the knowing it was behind these damn cramped walls. 

so he promised him. that one day, they would see the sea together.

well. now they were here.

after seeing it once in memory, he felt no shock. as he heard others marvel at the beauty, he simply felt the cool, salty water rush over his ankles, the sand sinking into his feet. he wondered what was behind that vast sea of sorts. he wondered if Marley was there.t

this was the placed his people turned into Titans. sadness filled his chest. regret, anger, hate.

how much more did he and his friends have to fight?

how much more until they could be happy ?

he swore to himself. he would kill every single person behind this damned vast sea of sorts.

* * *

living amongst the people of Reiners hometown took back that vow. sure, there were scumbags, whores, and assholes here. the same could be said for the people among the Walls.

he lived here, slept here, and ate food here. and he grew to learn that there were genuine, loving humans here. even if they considered Paradis Island, his home, a place for demons.

ah. how could they be helped? it was what they were taught.

simply, it was proved as Reiners horrified face saw his calm one. he chuckled inwardly. he was the one giving surprises now.

****

**_"its been four years . . . Reiner."_ **

* * *

destruction.

that was the only way everyone would live. it was the only way peace would be achieved.

fooling Zeke was easy. seeking Ymir was harder.

at least she gave him the power he wanted. thank god his groveling did some good.

as he unleashed the Founding Titan, his thoughts clamored back to the past. pain filled him again. he remembered his conversation with Mikasa and Armin. 

_i was cruel._

perhaps they would see his true plan now. perhaps his death would bring honor.

_a hero to a villain. humanity's last hope. huh?_ he smiled bittersweetly. _how i've grown._

it went wrong in so many ways.

at least he had a chance to remember how.

**Author's Note:**

> honestly? i believe eren will die or will be punished in confinement until his death.
> 
> however much i love this character, however much i think he is justified, he committed severe crimes. a line has been crossed.
> 
> it'll be a satisfying end, isayama.


End file.
